Grace

Went to the most boring party last night.

D and the older British woman who pays him for sex smooching like there’s no tomorrow.

Pony-tailed tall men, they looked Italian, snorting cocaine in the kitchen.

An upcoming artist telling me how he needs his sponsor to give him the go-ahead soon so he can check out the British Council gallery and make paintings of the appropriate size (??). And how his mother gives art lessons to wanna-be brides so they are better marriage material. And in most cases just paints the darn paintings herself cos they have no talent whatsoever.

A very sweet twenty-year-old model who told me how he’s enrolled for an MBA cos he needs a back-up plan. And how he would only do movies if offered ‘weird scripts’ :)

A, being his languid self, talked to him for a long while but can’t remember about what. I think it was about his responsibilities and yes, the debt he needs to pay off. Dreamt of kissing him.

Some fat guy with a beard who makes classroom videos for NCERT.

A writer for Elle, A’s ex-girlfriend, about what is the appropriate age for studying further, about mentors. She was fun to talk to.

The highlight – watching the Jokester dance to old Abba songs with the Brit!

Hmm…not a bad party actually!
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Been hanging out for the past four days every evening with B, the Jokester and the girl he’s not sure if he’s in love with.

It’s funny, he’s been sourcing the two of us out, a coupla oldies, and B and I have been wondering why they aren’t hanging out with people who are more fun, closer to their age. Anyway, it’s been a sort of zombie zone of films, moodiness, long drives, conversation, no conversation. It’s good to just be in the presence of these two and suspend the guilt trip for a while.

I wonder if he’s doing it to try to get us back together. Wouldn’t put that past him. For all his bravado, his is a bleeding heart. Would love to have a chat with him alone, soon. He’s so young, and so wise.
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The switch is turned off. It took close to two months, but it’s off. Irreversible or not I do not know.

Maybe it’s for the best. Or maybe the Universe shall curse us for not having courage.
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Currently completely in love with this song:

Grace

Can’t say I’ve ever been faithful
Except to God
Never felt I could call anywhere home
Till I fell asleep in your arms

I never thought I’d fall in love

Your love is my only saving grace
You caress my heart
Kiss my face
Your love is my only saving grace

Sometimes God calls out to me to come home
‘Cause I fell so all alone
Then I taste your kiss
Your touch, your sweet love

I never thought I’d fall in love
I never thought I’d fall in love with you

Your love is my only saving grace
You caress my heart
Kiss my face
Your love is my only saving grace

Your love

Bow down to Meshell Ndegeocello