Moonshine falls on a caged space,
cigarettes float on ashen water.
You lie beside me
yet I dream of tooth decay.
Riding a cycle
I wear my cat like a hat.
And as you grope for a breast, I wonder
are you walking towards me or away?
Thanks D for the revision :)
posted by cactusjump @ 11:51 AM
6 Comments
6 Comments:
What revision? I just put the little dots at the end of every other sentence! :-P
Cact,
I've not paid enough attention to your blog. This is one fine poem.
Wearing a cat like a hat is an unusual thing to do, particularly if on a bicycle. But it is not quite inconceivable.
The hopscotch from couplet to couplet is interesting; it shows a nice sense of "form" or "design." You know, a poem of 4 couplets is basically the deep classical form in Chinese. I have a soft spot for a poem so structured, seems.
cheers,
d.i.
Simple and alluring piece! much said in little sentences..
:)
Hmm, really nice. "You lie beside me..." love the indifference and detachment, if it's that :-) But, really, why would you wear a poor cat for your hat?
Hi, just read your other piece, 'Reality Escapes Me' and, the admiration expressed above, I must confess, is turning to what might even be construed as concern... as much for you as for myself :-) Because I've been known to function on the very same "auto-pilot" that you've so eloquently described. And while david raphael israel can ascribe this mental detachment to mystical leanings, the truth, in my case at least, doesn’t seem so flattering. However, I hesitate to dismiss his observation because I know he is right, even if partially. Maybe it’s a sign of a deeper ‘affliction’ then! :-) I also agree with him that the piece is written very well and makes for great reading, even if it describes a difficult personal experience.
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