false awakenings / free will

Everything seems to be pointing towards lucid dreaming - a film I saw, another film my friend described... it's as if the universe is shouting out - come on, come one! Explore Philip K. Dick - lucid dream - fuck up your head - no way, not again!

I will risk being 'normal' for a while.

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I think I am one of the luckiest persons alive. When I was down and out and life made no sense, and I was aching from boredom, a random thought occurred to me while I was sitting in a cyber cafe - hmm mail is taking time to load... let's check out the ftii site - saw they were taking applications, applied for three courses, got into all three.

Day before yesterday, was checking my account balances online, figuring out payments to be made and when certain deposits would be made, trying to figure out how to juggle tihngs around without drawing from my savings... when suddenly I got an sms from my cameraperson, he had not had money to contribute while we were shooting our diploma, and had told me someday, when I have money, I will repay you. And there he was, asking me for my account number on sms! He's been assisting a cinematographer in bombay for the past few months and made a sizeable deposit into my account!

Then yesterday I met a friend who had come down from Bombay, and she repaid me an amount she owed me.

:) I tell you, I am unbelievably lucky!

Now if only I can push myself to put my free will to good use!

I read this story on the internet lately - about how this guy keeps praying to God - 'God, God, please make me win the lottery'... and every week he fails to win...

Finally he gets really angry with God and says WTH God, I've been praying every day can't you make me win the damn lottery even once??

And God says 'Son, please please, will you buy a lottery ticket!'

Every time I have bought, or even semi-bought a lottery ticket, luck seems to have turned in my favour :) If that isn't encouragement and support, I don't know what is!

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Class with R was nice today, though I got quite tired towards the end, lack of sleep.

I'm terribly bad at drawing, she tries to be encouraging, but at times she can't help saying 'what is this?!' I think it's also when I have not been applying myself.

She doesn't like me using the pink crayon or other bright colours :( I drew a really nice pink portrait of her, I think it made her look like a mermaid :) but she did not like it...

Tomorrow we are doing oil pastels, back to gladioli...

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I quite like her actually, though she can be exhausting - she talks so much, but is very well read - only the romantics though.

She keeps recommending things I should read, most of which I haven't all ready cos my taste has been different from hers, but I don't mind really, am getting introduced to new things - new writers, new artists - it's all good.