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I saw a video on the net that said that to get out of the self-pity party one must journal every day what one is grateful for. I did it, though I have done this before.

Made an appointment with the counsellor for tomorrow. Right after I had made it I was wondering why I had bothered, she just agrees with everything I say anyway.

Everyone I have called seems to be dealing with problems of their own.

I realized I am just once again expecting someone else to take me out of this, and not taking 'responsibility' etc etc.

But it seems pointless to help one's self when there is nobody to share with.

I bought a ticket yesterday to a destination where a few friends want to meet up for New Year's. I bought the ticket, highly overpriced, and felt at least I was making an effort to make some change, that these people seemed to want me there so rather than feeling no one wants me I should go. But I can't drum up the enthusiasm. I am faking it in our email exchanges.

I don't know if I will end up going.

It's difficult to find enthusiasm to do anything - have stopped eating again, though I ordered something nice this afternoon so I would. The only thing I still enjoy is cappuccino.

I depended on an ex-boyfriend again. I am tired of beating myself over depending on someone and making this big thing of doing it on my own, of learning to love myself etc etc.

I need someone to help me on this journey, someone who can give me just a little bit of encouragement.