progress?

I have started taking some flower remedy medication - it seems to be working. Feeling much better, though there still are sudden attacks of despair, but I am controlling these.

The counsellor said that I am not able to 'compartmentalize' my personal and professinal lives efficiently, which is why the trouble happens. While I am working, I am continuing to think of my emotional state so am not able to fully be there for work or generate enthusiasm.

I tried this the last two times I went to meet my editor, and it definitely worked, being more focussed and interested in the task at hand and suppressing low thoughts whenever they occured.

It seems like the more you learn about yourself in therapy, the more tough it seems to get out of your depression. I thought I was doing well, by at least taking up job assignments, and trying to complete the ngo film I started, but this doesn't seem to be enough.

I feel I am emotionally in the same state, or perhaps even in more despair, as I was at this same time last year. I remember being in Kerala, at the film festival, and missing screenings, sending desperate obsessive messages. This has now translated into a more grey state of despair.

I am still maintaining the track of completing the film, booking tickets to meet family in Delhi for Christmas and friends in Wayanad for New Year...

The film is finally over today, the DVDs have almmost been written, and it's time for me to send the courier and wind up, and have those few days for myself before leaving for Delhi. The days in which I had planned to travel and think about my future, formulate my principles to live by, and come up with some sort of plan. The time has come and it frightens me like hell, I have been putting too much premium on these 3-4 days and I'm scared that I will come out of it none the wiser. I guess I need to put the pressure off myself and make it a happy time. Will spend this evening planning these next few days to avoid getting bogged down and get a good result, even if not the ultimate result.